~

I can still remember
How it felt when you took
Your first step away

And I can still see me standing
Upon the pieces that you left
Like it was just yesterday

And I’ve lived
In constant depression ever since
And I’ve lost my worth as the days went by

But as I slowly moved
To pick up my pieces
Somehow I could no longer cry

It was easier then
To learn to hate you
Than to keep on defending
Your reasons

How do you expect me
To live everyday
With a heart broken into fractions

And somewhere along the bitterness
… I moved on
And as much as I wanted to believe in you
You left me, you left me, you left me…

Now you’ve returned
To finally comfort me
When I’ve already found my way

My love, I need my space
This time around
Before I can meet you halfway

So please try to catch me no longer
I need to be on this place too
For though I know that it’s sad here
I’ll be lonelier with you

--

~

Ice Castles <-- last movie I watched on video. I can’t believe I’ve never found the time / chance to see it before because it was beautiful. No other word to describe it really, I cried like a soap addict. The movie was both tragic and victorious.

I went back to skate the day after. I never expected I could still glide my way on the ice but it was just like bicycling. However wonderful it felt though, I don’t think I could have more time for it. But I’m sure to try out the rink at the Mall of Asia which is competition standard size. At least I know I’m skipping level 1 this time. I’m going back to complete level 2. No, I did not enrol on any lessons yet. I just knew the requirements from high school.

Number of falls: Just one.

Why does it always rain on Mondays? It’s as if it isn’t dreadful enough to start the week…

--

~

The Prestige is a movie close to my heart. It’s a magical, science fiction-slash-mystery suspense movie set in the late 19th century. It reminded me of Jeffrey Archer’s Kane and Abel which follows the ultimate in mortal enemy counterpart archetypes. Watch it, it’s amazing.

Somewhere Along the Bitterness <-- title of the last poem I’ve written.

How to Save a Life by The Frey / Fray <-- fave song of the week. There’s a connection there, find it. Also, How to Save a Life is the soundtrack of hit series Grey’s Anatomy.

Nightlife gigs: 1 last Monday, 1 this coming Friday night and 1 on Saturday. Hmmm, it’s not technically suicide if you tire yourself to death, ayt? Oh, but no, I love my life. And I’m gonna make sure everybody around me would want to be part of it.

--

~

Monday. It’s gloomy. Almost like it’s threatening to rain.

Song of the day: Waltz by Hale.

Hale released their latest album, Twilight, a few weeks ago and Waltz is the first single. Now, anyone who knows Hale (or least their music) will know that they write the saddest songs on the planet – ok, country. Think of really sad, poignant poems and inject melody onto them and the result is a perfect suicide-enducing spell.

Why have I not been afflicted with even just a bit of suicidal tendency? The world would’ve been much, much easier that way.

--

~

I finally found time to give this site a slight do-over (in case you’re reading my friendster blog, I’m talking about this one). I had a couple of designs ready for the header and I felt like this looks more like ‘insomnia’. Or perhaps I’m just lamenting…

I’ve been enjoying writing poems the past weeks and while some of the works I’ve posted are old ones, they still reflect my moods. And sometimes I try to re-write some really old poems that still has a childish feel. I feel it’s unfortunate that I am unable to share certain poems and recent ones on this site – why? Beeeeg secret. Oh, but they are published online on another blog. Somewhere…

Nightlife. It’s fully booked and on the max. I’ve never had this much nightlife since college thanks to Story Circle. We’re touring the metro and trying to get as much gigs as our nocturnal selves can. What better way to relieve depression, ayt?

I’ve a feeling I’m gonna see a lot more of the moon and the stars at night from now on.

Hush… Can you hear that? It’s the calm before the heavy rain.

--

~


I can see that purple hazed golden sky
And a hint of rain that’s coming by
Perhaps I saw you not today
And I resort to scribbling songs and wordplay


You see, I smile when I think of you
I even have these dreams I wish to be true
And each and every hour, every minute, every day
I make words rhyme but most times they just don’t
And most times I just play


Then I feel the wind blowing cold
And missing you is all I know
But I don’t worry, the rain will soon hold
And maybe I’ll see you in the morrow


--

~

I’ve loved you for the longest time
Ever since you made me realize
That my heart was really beating after all

I’ve dreamt of you on a hundred dreams
And you made me see what it felt like
When I’m about to fall

I’ve wished for you for countless days
That on a mundane morning
We’d cross our way

And even though through the years
You barely saw me
I’ve held on to this bittersweet fantasy
That you’ll be mine, you’ll be mine
For I’ve loved you for the longest time

‘Till the day came I no longer miss the sight of you
And I no longer have my childish games
Then somehow you saw me on the galleries
And asked if I still felt the same

And as I gaze upon the irony
And wondered how you knew
It’s just that I’ve already grown tired
Of waiting everyday for you

So though I’m glad, my one-time angel
That you finally saw me on the line
It’s been long since I walked out of that spell
But I did love you
For the longest time

-

My lil' sister needed an original song for her school project so I pulled this one out and rearranged some words and quickly taught her the melody. She got a perfect 100.

--

~

Imagine the sound of your tears
That somehow refuse to fall
And you try to cry
But not even a breath comes out

And for some reason
The sound of the cars outside fade away
Followed by the leaves and even the wind

Until all that’s left
Is the sound of your heart faintly beating

What is the sound of one heart breaking
It’s when you open your lips,
About to speak
But then the words just get swept away with the wind

And no matter how much you wanted to say
To fight for what you feel
You somehow resign to the fact
That you’ve already lost

It is the sound of yourself trying to breathe
But you somehow can’t
And the walls of your heart
Start closing in
And your eyes simply refuse to produce tears
And your voice can’t even produce a single cry

And in the silence
You hear your hand
As it lands on the sheets
And your knees
As they touch the floor

And after all your outlets betray you
You know that this is worse than dying
That is the sound
Of one heart breaking

--
1999