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I could see The Lakehouse as a welcome breathe of fresh air from this year’s action-jammed sci-fi movies. Perhaps that’s also the reason it was much anticipated. It also helped that it had an intriguing premise.

Here’s a synopsis – Keannu moves into a house by the lake and through his snail mail correspondences with the house’s previous occupant, he discovers that they are living exactly 2 years apart. He’s living from 2004 while the previous owner, Sandra Bullock, is from 2006. Something is definitely wrong with the mail. Perhaps it’s also a satire on US Postal Service efficiency.

The Philippine’s postal system is of course, a lot worse. That’s why there’s actually a movie shown 2 months ago with the same plot as The Lakehouse. The movie’s title was Moments of Love. The difference between Moments of Love and The Lakehouse is that on Moments, the pen pals are living some 50-60 years apart - No doubt a satire on our local snail-mailing system.

So what’s the verdict on The Lakehouse? It’s a feel-good movie with a slight twist for a climax. It’s a love story about two people who obviously don’t have lives so they fell with their pen pals – something that usually happens when you’re a) in prison, b) totally hostile, c) you’re nowhere near looking as beautiful as Sandra and Keannu.

Watch it to enjoy it, not to critic it so much. It’s got a happy ending so that’s a good enough review for everyone.

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I’m actually rooting for this family movie to make box office hit. Unfortunately here, I’m surprised it hasn’t gotten the same buzz as Finding Nemo or Ice Age2 did. I deduced that it was probably because only a handful could relate to automotives. For a third world country, not everyone can tell who makes brands like Camry, Focus, Skyline, Evolution and so on.

Anyway, the movie follows the archetype Disney plot to the book. A popular, self-centered guy/girl is changed after spending some time on a different place and with a different but truer set of friends. But this is not saying that the movie was nothing more than the ordinary. On the contrary, Disney has this way of presenting simple moral lessons via different and very creative themes. Cars presents a world void of human beings. The planet is inhabited by automobiles of different types and makes.

The movie isn’t as hilarious as Madagascar. Knowing Disney, they like to keep to clean humour. But it’s still not as funny as Nemo. Nevertheless, Cars can be viewed as a more serious animated film because if you consider the characters, they’d all have to be at least 25 years old. There is really a lot of serious moments in this movie that will definitely appeal to children and adults alike.

I love Cars exactly because of those serious moments. The lead characters’ display of moral fiber is touching and tear-enducing. Oh, and I like the gag they did whenever the truck Mater hooks up and tows the lead character McQueen. It’s funny because in humanoid terms, it’s equivalent to hooking Owen Wilson up on his ass.

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Since I’ve already made a comprehensive survival guide to surviving school (and the dreaded exams), let me reminisce at this point some very fun and harmless pranks we were able to pull off when we were at school. You’ll definitely get intro trouble if you get caught – but that’s what makes it fun right?

Inside Out
Done best with Jansport brand bags or those with long zippers that can allow the bag to open wide and be turned inside out. Pick on a classmate, then during recess when he/she is out, take out all of that person’s stuff out of the bag, zip open the bag, turn it inside out, replace all of the kid’s belongings and zip the bag back up. It’s harmless, it’s worth the hassle, it’s totally hilarious.

Follow the Teacher
Works best with teachers who tend to say a certain word a lot of times during discussion like it’s a mannerism. Our class president picked on our history teacher who always say “yes?” after each sentence or explanation. The class agreed that whenever she says “Yes”, we would all quickly look left. When she said “No”, we would quickly look right. When she said “Correct”, we would all look at the ceiling. This was so damn fun specially when we all simultaneously looked out the window (left) and the teacher followed suit trying to figure out what we were looking at. On one point when we all looked up to the ceiling, she (the poor teacher) also looked up and the class laughed. We heard her say to herself “something’s fishy here…”

Rock n’ Load
Done best with those big duffle bags used by varsity players and remember to do this before the class is dismissed. The class picks one of the varsity guys, when that guy steps out of the room; stuff the bag with huge pebbles taken from the school garden. Make sure those rocks stay hidden beneath his books, shirt and shoes! Now watch in amusement when that guy tries to lift his bag. Sometimes the guy won’t even notice that the bag just got 40 pounds heavier until he reaches home and discovers the gimmick.

Sticky Mickey
Get some taro syrup or that stuff that you use on pancakes. Make sure you get the clear kind of syrup. On our time, we used a clear type of rugby. Use a brush to paint over one of your classmates’ mouse (do this on your computer class) with the syrup. You may bring in a defective mouse to switch in so that you won't ruin school property. Let it dry a bit. This is a guaranteed laugh specially if you let the whole class in on the prank except for your victim.

Get Dirrrty
Get some packs of condoms. Partly fill some up with Cetaphil or any clear sticky substance. Leave those on a comfort room stall. Do this if you have a nasty, arrogant janitor. You can also throw some up to the ceiling on the halls and let them stick there. That’ll create a pretty atmosphere.

Do a Thomas Crown
Steal the school signs – the boy and girl signs on the comfort rooms, the room signs, the hallway signs etc. Then dump them all on the janitor’s room or any storage room but make sure they can be easily found by any school employee. A friend and I did this on a different school, well on another university we don’t go to to be more precise.

That same friend who helped me with the signs thing also helped me bring to his home a whole plastic garbage bin – the one that says “Non-biodegradable - Property of UST-HS”. Those things were big enough to fit 2 people inside. I couldn’t even remember how we pulled it off. We didn’t even have a car.

There are a lot of bad pranks that can top the ones above but I just wanted to post in the harmless gags so as to not give any ideas to youngsters reading this. Well, that same friend who took home the garbage bin actually put a sandwich on a teacher’s chair. That was a huge mess and he got probation. He got off easy if you ask me. So please, take it easy on the wise gags.

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I am actually having a lot of fun and feeling a prick of nostalgia writing this entry up. While it would seem that our topic is intently juvenile, there is some bearing behind the realities of living an adolescent school life. It is fun going back through all those days in high school but it is also at the same time a serious matter that I just realized people might benefit from – parents and teenagers alike.

Warning - No academic tips can be found reading this entry.

First Steps
I can still vividly remember the trauma I felt when I first stepped on the corridors of my first elementary school. I got overwhelmed with all the other students, the size of the halls, the whole building – everything that I wanted to cry. People eventually overcome this stage as they go through grade 1 to grade 6 but it was the same thing all over again when I entered high school. People were meaner, more competitive and more intimidating. I gained “bully” status when I was in grade 6 (it helped that I was doing aikido) but it was back to square one all over again during my freshman year in high school. I knew I needed to start over if I wanted to survive the next four years.

You may be an eccentric artist who might not care whatever people think. But you really won’t learn anything at all if you don’t gain friends and the delicate art of “pleasing people” while maintaining dignity. Plus, high school is the crucial point where people need to build their self esteem and friends are the only people who can help with that department – aside from yourself.

Buddy Up
Be as sociable as you have to be when you get in high school. For example - if you’re a geek, share your homeworks etc. This effort will give you much more in return – ie: protection from bullies, getting help when a project requires hardware and manual labor. I got a lot of bully friends in elementary and highschool and we had a lot of fun picking on selfish geeks and lower year nerds. The idea might be disturbing but it’s a fact that these situations happen and there’s little society can do about it. Oh, but we also befriended a lot of geeks and we were able to live in a “sharing” environment. In exchange they got to learn socializing skills - specially when it came to talking with the girls. Unfortunately, if you’re on the first or cream section, you won’t likely get to experience this “sharing” environment – there’s just too much competition.

I used to be a geek and it was definitely no fun at all. I was puny, small and thin – I still am. But I learned to play heavy metal guitar and drums and that was a hit not only with the guys but with the lower year girls as well ha-ha. You just got to find your niche.

If you’re a genius, SHARE IT. My seatmate who has been called stupid by other guys (he isn’t a geek of course) is now studying medicine in the US. Don’t think that just because you have high grades and honors, you’re better. That’s just how high school works and labels kids. But when you graduate, it’s a whole different ballgame where those who you thought was stupid will excel in their right places like architecture, medicine, computer programming, literature, the arts etc. Those people might even employ you when they land a managerial position at McCann Erikson so remember to help people out and don’t judge them because they’re bad at math. They will remember your good deeds as well as the bad.

Vice-versa
In an article in this month’s Good Housekeeping, a guidance counselor points out that school is where vices start to develop. When a kid sees a popular school athlete smoking, s/he might also want to try it out to be “cool”. Girls will want to try out skimpy clothes to look like the latest pop idol. When a popular boy is heard using foul language and curses every other 5 words, unpopular kids might also try speaking the same lingo. If a popular girl/muse is known to be drinking beer and other alcoholic drinks during after school activities, the not-so-pretty girls might follow suit.

My advice is this: you can take in the motto “try everything once” but know how to control yourself. I know my sister got into smoking to gain popularity in high school because she was an elementary joke but she never got out of the habit. She also never had quality friends and quality boyfriends.

For the guys, I say this fact: beer and smoking doesn’t guarantee sexual experience – which will get you even more popularity points than beer and smoking combined. Girls will want that bad boy attitude so putting on some rockstar vibe will help but you will only want the quality girls anyway who will prefer non-smokers and the sober. I learned to smoke, I also fancy red wine, I was able to try some herbal hallucinogens and I’m sure I’m going to try out E someday but my point is, none of these things got into my system and took control of my body.

It’s nice if you have that “I don’t care what people think of me” attitude but you don’t need to learn vices just to have fun. If you want to get to know the enemy, you have to try them out – but that’s just me.

Sucker Up
Of course we can’t ignore the teachers. Your success directly depends on their hands. So SUCK UP. It won’t hurt as long as your friends know you’re doing it for everyone’s benefit. DON’T BE SELFISH. Whatever you gain from your sucking up, make sure you share them to your classmates. That way, you’re not a geek but rather, a brilliant schemer and class hero. Getting my point now?

Always try to get a seat on the front row. You’re likely to get fewer calls for recitation if you’re right in front. In fact, if you make an effort to make 1 recitation per month, it will seem that you are always participating just because you got more visual recall.

Relationships
No matter what you parents say, go for it. Don’t take it too seriously though. Remember that your studies are your priorities but having relationships early on will teach you a lot in life. You’ll get dumped, cheated on, rejected, ignored, get busted and everything that could break your heart may happen on a single term but you’ll live. You will benefit a lot in return like learning how to deal with the opposite sex, knowing how to reject suitors, learning how to survive a rejection, discovering that you’re capable of love and learning to discern if you’re just infatuated.

Be warned of the dangers of too much intimacy. Remember never to throw everything away for a guy or girl. Your world may still be small but when you graduate, you’ll discover that there’s an ocean of men and women out there and there’s always a match for you. At this point in life, the “you and me against the world” attitude won’t do much benefit. If you’re already working too hard to make a relationship work, that’s a clue that it isn’t supposed to be – at least not yet.

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There is probably more stuff in my survival book but maybe they’ll come in later posts when they’re relevant. I realize whatever I suggested above might require a lot of emotional fortitude and stability but parents reading with an open mind might benefit from the realities teenagers face. But hey, I’m not a shrink so don’t read on too much. We’re just having fun.

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It’s back to school season!

Now, before geeks and nerdist purist groups start hate-mailing me, let me at least say the reasons I’m revealing these tried and tested survival guide to cheating. Everyone is not great in math. And while most of these people who are struggling with their numbers are great with other things like English, music and the arts etc., those talents get totally ignored simply because that’s the way our educational system works. I can go on lengths to prove that most successful people are the creative ones but the fact is it’s the logical people that get the medals in school.

Another reason I’m making this entry is just for kicks. Well, not necessarily. When I get old, it would be good to have records of school antics.

Do the Da Vinci!
Here’s the ultimate in cheating. Feel it’s too risky stretching your neck to get that glimpse on your friend’s paper? Then start making your own ‘Kodigo’. Here are a few ways to create your own set of secret notes.

Post-Its
Write down your formulas on those yellow stick-ons and stick ‘em under the desk, the seat or your polos.

Invisible Ink
Invisible pens cost about $2.00. You can get them at any magic shop or gag shop. The way these things work is the pen writes with clear ink that’s virtually invisible to the naked eye. When a black light is lit over the paper or wherever the secret message is written, the ink will glow. Not unlike the gadgets CSI use to reveal body fluids in crime scenes. Just write your ‘information’ on the bench, your folder (which you are supposed to use as an exam cover), your scratch paper or even your whole arm.

Kneaded Erase
Buy a kneaded eraser. That’s the clay-like eraser used by artists. Just stretch it our flat and insert your secret note in the middle and fold the eraser thus concealing the paper inside it.

Masking Tape
Used as the Post-It method explained above. More secure and provides more writing space.

Do the Scratch
They usually allow scratch papers to be used on math exams. Before the exam, write down those brain busting formulas on your scratch paper to be using the same pen you’ll use and with just a very light touch. The written information should be almost invisible to the untrained eye. When you’re about to be done with the actual exam, be sure to write over your secret formulas with legit computations or mumbo jumbo numbers to cover them up.

Under Cover
Students are allowed to use some sort of clean folder they will use to cover their desks during the exam proper. Get a nice black cover and some black construction paper. Write your formulas/codes on the construction paper either in pencil or invisible ink then stick that written side to the black folder using a worn-out double-sided tape so you can easily un-stick the ‘secrets’ during the exams.

Right under Your Nose
Have one member of the class write down formulas and other information on the front of the teacher’s desk. This can be done with chalk, black markers etc. People tend to overlook things that are right in front of them.

Sign Up
I learned basic sign language (alphabets only) when I was in grade six. The class needed a way to pass messages discretely and quietly. This method is very useful when it comes to multiple-choice types of exams.

Now, no matter how good you are at making deceptive messages and notes, one thing is certain – you will not survive high school being an island. When you got friends, you got you’re back covered. So on the next entry, we’ll go through some more survival guides to surviving school
life.

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While I feel satisfaction blogging about how I hate seafoods, I’ll never get tired of loving almost anything chicken. But no, I don’t do exotic cuisine so no “isaw” (chicken intestine), chicken head and feet for me. I’m not loosing half of my life if I don’t try them out.

It has been family tradition that we celebrate special events like birthdays, graduations and anniversaries at Max’s Restaurant. So what if it’s not one of those fancy fine diners like Burgoos, Chilis, Italianis? First and foremost, it shows of our love for being Filipinos. And if I’m shelling out a grand for a single eating, I’d expect the table to look like a fiesta - as opposed to having just a burger and a fancy-you-can’t-pronounce-its-name pasta.

KFC. Do you know anyone who doesn’t like KFC? On a Simpsons episode, even God was begging the Colonel for the secret recipe. Their chicken has been so good they’ve been the targets for at least 5 local urban legends.

Myth 1: KFC poultry are genetically engineered. The emails that circulated even had pictures of their featherless livestock. Dear friends, however you want to believe this Frankenchicken theory, this apparently is just a widespread internet hoax.

Myth 2: I’m sure you know a friend who knows a friend who knows a friend who watched a movie eating KFC take-out. According to the story, a couple of minutes into the movie, that person eating suddenly felt something like that of a tail and pulling up the tail and bringing it to the light, a whole rat carcass is revealed – fried and seasoned, the KFC original recipe way. While our friends would most likely swear on their friend’s mother’s grave that the story is true, the fact that we all have friends who know friends that had this experience has an almost impossible probability of 1:380,000 - unless, of course KFC has a habit of frying 45 rodents per year (that’s 1 rat per branch per year within Metro Manila).

Myth 3: Another proof that the story above is just another hoax is that different versions of it have been circulated. Some versions use cockroaches in place of the rat. Some, just the tail is recovered – all the furry meat already been eaten.

Nevertheless, people never stopped lining up on KFC stores. I won’t mind discovering some rat portions on my meal. That’s an opportunity to sue the big guys and get instant millions in exchange for silence.

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