~

I bought Bob Ong’s latest book Stainless Longganisa for two reasons: To get some of my writing juices going and because I like laughing out loud reading his works. For the un-initiated, Bob Ong wrote the now popular books ABNKKBSNPLAKo, Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ng Libro ang Pilipino, Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas and Alamat ng Gubat. His wit and humor, even though written in pure Tagalog / Filipino, never ceases to entertain. Bob Ong and his works now have a loyal cult following among the common Filipino taxpayers. Forget the masses, they can’t even read.

Anyway, it’s worth sharing something from that book here. I don’t know about my friends in the States but if you’re bored and you’ve got some pirated DVDs lying around, you might want to watch it again but this time, turn on the subtitles. Just try it; you’ll roll your ass off laughing. Here’s a sampler from Stainless Longganisa.

Movie: War of The Worlds

Ray: It’s OK…
Subtitle: Do not fine, you is just fine.

Rachel: Is Robby OK? Are you OK?
Subtitle: Robby do not fine, you do not fine?

Rachel: Is it over?
Subtitle: What that finish?

Ray: You better be there when I get back!
Subtitle: Better is you over there moment I return!

Ray: Everybody just relax, OK?
Subtitle: Altogether only is dark.

Ogilvy: They have been planning this for a million years.
Subtitle: Have planned since millions of last year.

Ogilvy: This is not a war any more than there’s a war between men and maggots…
Subtitle: This non war again between Manon and of Maget.

Ogilvy: This is an extermination.
Subtitle: This is abbatoir.

Ogilvy: Take them by surprise.
Subtitle: Give surprise them.

Ray: You don’t have anything to say to her, understand?
Subtitle: You is there is something that wish to be told? Understand.

Ray: You gotta be quiet!
Subtitle: You have to peace.

Soldier: Everybody down!
Subtitle: Altogether bow!!!

--