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I was dusting one of my scratch journals of poems earlier and as I scanned the pages, I found this poem I had written in 1999. I couldn’t even remember my inspiration for writing it. I just remember this friend who confided in me about her hopeless story of waiting for a boy (who I couldn’t even remember anymore) and I wrote empathizing how desperate she was. Reading it again now, I could only get a clue on just how complicated the situation she must’ve been in so that she needed to keep everything within herself. I only know there was a reason she couldn’t speak up and I could just feel how hopeless she felt. I don’t think I was even able to finish the poem.

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I am trying all I could to breakdown the wall
I’ve built over the years
With a desperate wish that I could
Let you in

I am here… just reaching out
Just waiting for you, although I am
Now weak to barely raise a hand

If only I could tell you to go on,
Just stay here where you are
And love me

If only I could let you
Know that I am waiting for you
To catch me

If only I could’ve told you to wait
Just for a while
If only you could hear my heart
Crying out for your name…
Please stay, please take me,
out of this place,
Hold me and never let me
Slip away ever
Again.

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